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My wife and I were married 11 years before
starting a family, most of which were spent completing college. In our spare
time we debated whether to have children.
I say “debate” because the discussions were
lucid and calm rather than to imply there is any real logic involved in the
decision to reproduce. After determining you are emotionally and financially
able, or having deluded yourself into imagining so, the only question remaining
is whether you want them.
Because of her childhood experiences my wife
yearned for our own brood, while because of mine I didn’t. Not that I had a
horrible upbringing; to the contrary, I had a loving family and dedicated
mother, involuntarily single upon my father’s death when I was 8. A mother whom
I did my level best to drive nuts, with an able assist from my sister.
Did your parents ever swear they hoped you
would have a kid just like you? It is the universal parent’s curse, one I
feared more than the consequences of anything I actually did as a child. My
reluctance to have children was in part a complement to my mother: I didn’t
think I was as tough as she.
My wife, on the other hand, grew
up in Disneyland. At least that’s what it sounds like, a place where everyone
is happy, kids always get along, and none would dream of sassing their parents.
My wife recalls exactly one argument with her mother, at age 13, and is still
traumatized by the memory.
One thing we had in common was parents who held
us responsible for our actions. Mine got more practice, but both of us grew up
knowing we were loved, and that if we got our tail in a crack we’d have to pry
it out ourselves. As my mother occasionally muttered, “Fine, I’ll visit you in
jail.” She didn’t have to, at least in part because I knew she was serious.
Unfortunately, too many parents focus their
energy on sparing children the natural consequences of their deeds, denying them
the opportunity to learn cheap, early lessons. From what has been reported,
such is the case of John Walker, 20, the American citizen turned Taliban soldier
recently captured near Mazar-e-Sharif in northern Afghanistan.
Walker converted to Islam at 16, dropping out
of high school shortly thereafter. At 17 he went alone to Yemen to study Arabic
and the Koran with his parent’s financial support. At 19 he returned to Yemen,
traveling later to Pakistan to attend an Islamic school in an area known as a
haven for terrorists. His parents have not heard from him since April of this
year.
Aside from questioning the judgment of parents
who would allow an underage teenager to quit high school and pay his way to
travel unaccompanied to a terrorism hotbed like Yemen, I am struck by the recent
behavior of Frank Lindh, Walker’s father.
Lindh, an attorney, insists his son has done
nothing wrong and should simply be debriefed and released. He says Walker is a
“sweet boy” who has done nothing against the United States. He hired an
attorney experienced at thwarting U.S. extradition efforts, and has launched a
one-man media blitz suggesting excuses ranging from brainwashing and involuntary
drugging to youthful indiscretion.
I doubt Walker will get away clean. One who
takes up arms with the Taliban can hardly expect a parade when he gets home,
though his fate will likely be considerably more merciful than a Taliban
turncoat could expect.
I long ago gave up the notion of
parental omnipotence, but if the performance of John Walker’s family is
indicative of his upbringing, the greater mercy might have been a childhood
shorter on indulgence and longer on accountability.
© 1997- 2002 Brent Morrison
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